#and all i wanna do is talk to him bcs i miss him so much already
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#a doodley#okkk 2022: the torture chamber....i only sparsely drew al and developed talon (he was borned...) bc my mind was occupied with other things.#2023: exiting torture chamber; it took me a tiny little bit to get back to drawing and ''interacting with'' al again but i did it even#though it was a reminder of the Bad bc he's my copium#summer 2023: i view and witness media and suddenly have like 5 fictional men i cant decide on which to focus... and september (talon month)#comes along so I decide to focus on Talon after not touching him much at all throughout the entire year#(forced this btw i did not wanna do it LOL i didnt even remember how to draw him)#september 2023 to now: talon has infiltrated the brain. but i want to swivel back to al#now: i've forgotten how to Talk to al (just like i did in beginning of 2023)#(and just like i forgot how to talk to talon for most of 2023)#so ive kind of just been replaying the smunker cow al daydreams from when they first met#so I can find my way back...retracing my steps#in doing so ive kind of also forgotten how to interact with talon but still havent gotten back to al#so rn my life is so boring without imaginary bf interactions. just the before sleep plot rehashing daydreams...#or sparse visions of em Sometimes#nobody in my brain rn just like the short period last yr and its distressing#what do i draw without a love obsession.....#how do i pass time without it....! so boring. idk what to do#i miss the me of several yrs ago when i was drawing 50 different aus with al....ive downgraded in skill and imagination and creativity#so bad since then. idk. idk. i hope they come back to me soon#maybe i shld just draw al a lot which is how i kickstarted caring abt talon again almost a yr ago ?#hoping i can get him to come back before my surgery i need my big sexy boy nurse for recovery#(complaining abt things usually fixes em for me so im hoping thats the case here)
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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DAYBREAK MENTION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 65 CHAPTERS!!! BABYGIRL I MISS YOUUUU
#prince's talk tag#WHERE IS HE I NEED TO KNOW HES OK!!#yes i know he got fired at the end of chapter 27 but his luck is so good i imagine he bounced back quickly#i need him and twilight to interact again!! there so fun!!#i know it wont happen but imagine he somehow ends up working for WISE and he and twilight get paired for a mission#or twilight and yor have missions to do but dont wanna leave anya alone and no one is available atm so they hire someone#and that someone is daybreak#but since twilight already left by the time he arrived and yor was the one that greeted him before she left#twilight couldnt stop him from potentially blowing his cover (like he thinks hes been made but it was just a coincidence)#OR he is there when daybreak arrives but he can't send him away without raising suspicion so he has to take the L#and he either spends the whole chapter worried or he tries to go home to check on them but cant#meanwhile anya has read their minds and knows theyve met before and she gets excited which makes it harder for twilight to send daybreak off#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i miss him soooooo much#ENDO WHERE IS HE??? WHY DID YOU LOCK HIM IN YOUR BASEMENT!! LET HIM OUT!!!!!#this was from ch 92 i was catching up bc i wanted a bunch of chapters to come out so i can read them all in one go#and yo that reveal anya pulled on damien during their dance!!!! so good!!!!#like yea he didnt believe her but she said it and he'll think about it whenever she say something she couldnt possibly of known#sxf#spy x family
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Thinking about....... Sun Onceler.........
#sometimes the sun is a twink and he loves you and he refuses to leave your brain apparently#he's just so fun! what if instead of knitting thneeds he spins water into clouds! and they can be anything bc they can be any shape!#i realize in hindsight i have a tendency to make characters that embody some aspect of nature and may or may not be a deity lol#so maybe the others could make an appearance! sunler playing a lyre or smth singing about them#the stars and how she knows the fate in the cards#the siblings summer wind and rain#the beast and her orchard#but of course ending with how he's totally cooler and more important than everyone else#and it turns out apollo is not only the god of the sun but also of art and music so it really fits him methinks!#i doubt i could ever pull off running an askblog. however#i like the idea of him causing mischief. oh someone wants this thing to happen? let's make it a game!#keep your friends close from epic comes to mind#i don't have much in the way of story but. there are these two scenes in my head that are SO good#i wanna talk about em so badddd but i don't wanna spoil in case i do something with em#but i will say that one of them is a really really fun reference >:D#and the line “RED IS THE NEW GOLD”#but anyways i think an important part of him is that he loves people. he loves these silly little humans running around more than anything.#because all of this ultimately stems from the idea of the sun missing you when you've been inside for a long time#wanting things to get better for you and being there to celebrate the little victories yknow?#my nonsense
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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I need to stop thinking about him I need to stop thinking about him I need to stop thinking about him
#and I can't just get high when I don't wanna deal with problems bc that's not ok#it's so weird to go from being rlly good friends to casual hookups to nothing at all#I don't even know how to move on bc we were never together and I don't even have romantic feelings for him anymore#I just really miss him#not just the physical stuff but I miss being friends and laughing together#and I know I have a right to be mad at him to some extent but I also feel like if I was less emotional then everything would be fine#he's probably just one of those guys that loses interest after sex but why am I still bothered even tho it's been months#I really cared about him and it hurts to be so distant#I feel like i've fucked everything up bc I got mad at him when really I was mad at myself and my insecurities and also him for ghosting me#but I shouldn't have gotten mad bc we were on good terms and now everything is weird again#and I need to get better and regulating my emotions so I don't do impulsive shit#everything is just rlly weighing on me#it's so strange that we didn't talk for over a month then I got high and texted him and now everything is so much more messy#I want to be completely over him but a part of me still holds on and imagines what could have been#if he had been in love with me or if I hadn't been so overbearing
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vent post feel free to ignore
it's genuinely weird being in a place with no best friends, no SO, no irl friends...
while i appreciate everyone's sweetness i genuinely don't think ive felt more alone, because while im surrounded by such lovely people i have no one to call my own anymore
#my closest friend ignored me today and im trying not to take it personally#i have no one i can really lean on anymore#and all i wanna do is talk to him bcs i miss him so much already#and i have to convince myself its for the best#even after we ended it the call just went on#and we were still the best of friends#and now... nothing#it hurts so fucking much man#but i didnt have the strength to fix it either#guess i just dont have any strength at all
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💭💗
#i feel so bored talking to everyone else who isnt him#(and i mostly mean guys... bc they're the only ones who talk to me lol 💀)#but also i wiiiish i could find a bf... (i'd want a gf too but sadly most women arent sapphic at all 🥲)#so yeah .. i feel so empty talking to others#i dont feel 'connected' to most ppl the way i felt connected to him#idk i feel like they dont listen to what i say or talk WITH me#they're just talking TO and AT me without even reading what i say#like this guy just asked me how im doing today#and i said bad bc of my period!!!!#and he was like awww cute#???? did u hear what i said tho....#idk i just feel like alone when i talk to ppl bc no one hears me it feels like#i just miss him sm#but he isnt messaging....#and since he just reads but dont interact w my messages now i only feel stupid#so i cant even message him even if i want to#god i hate this so much#i wanna diieeeee#losing his attention has made me feel more lonely than i've ever been before i cant take this#it also hurts bc he's talking to others#and he wants that#he wants to make more friends and talk to more ppl 🙃#god i feel almost a panic attack coming on just thinking abt that#here i am losing my mind he's not messaging me and he's out there giving his attention to others
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so nervuos for tmrw bc im seeing my cousin
#i love her so much But#Its my dads side of the family and i dont see them often at all and everything is always so awkward and#they dont know i dropped out of school and everytime my grandpa sees me he asks about school#and i havent seen him since before i Would have graduated this past may#like i would be graduated hs right now but#im not SO IF AYNYNE ASKS ABOUT IT IM GONNA LOSE ITTTT#god#hopefully my grandparents just wont be there Idk why they would bc im just going to hang w my cousin#but they tend to jumpscare me sometimes when i go out to see her#Gahhhgaaahhhhhahhaooouuoououou#i could just tell the truth bc idec about them knowing i dropped out its just embarrassing bc i lied for so long#buti just did bc when i first stopped going to school my mom told me not to tell anyone on that side of the fmaily..so..#i dont think shed care anymore either but its just been so long and ive never told them Augh#and my grandpa really wants me to go to college which i straight up just dont wanna do. not rn at least#and id need to get my ged first which ive been procrastinating on the entiire year Oopsies#my aunt always tells me not to listen to him thoughand that i dont have to go to college if i dont want to i am grateful for her..#shes always protective of me from him LOL i love my grandpa and he means well and stuff but#he will just say anything#and he always makes me cry in public or at family gatherings bc he starts talking to me about my dad#i knowppl just aska bout like school and plans for the future and stuff bc they care but i wish they wouldnt bc i do not know anything#i dont know a single thing about how my future is going to go or what i even want it to be or how im going to live and its stressful enough#already when im not being interrogated about it#Like lets just talk about something else. Lets talk about enstars#Isnt it crazy that shinobu has gone going on 15 months without a new 5*?..i think its a little crazy and i miss him
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in case you were wondering, no i haven't gotten over this flashback from cyno's 2nd story quest
#back to g.enshinposting here bc everyone's burned out lol#kvh washing the glasses and bringing over drinks... and the fruits on the table#hthm casually reminding him what's on the table#kvh telling him about meeting w everyone#and the way he leaned on the table to talk#going crazy about how domestic it was#i was expecting crumbs but they served me a 5 course meal#sighs... i miss them lol#this quest singlehandedly made me wanna draw them again#but i'm busy w fanweek art atm oops hehe#among other commitments that take up a chunk of my day#but it's all good stuff and i'm happy to be doing the work!!#will have news on those soon ^^#i just missed kvthm and wanted to talk about them hehe#i love them so much!!#oh yes and i appreciate the lore drop and being able to learn more abt s.ethos#loved the plot and he seems like a really interesting character#note#kvthmposting
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Hhhhhhh brainrot hitting so hard. I low-key wanna revive all my Taz grad wipes again from the dead
#the duck quacks#unfortunately i didnt have a lot of writing from my taz era bc i was very insecure about my writing at the time but GODS i have pilesofideas#...post canon (or just mid canon#thundermen roadtrip au. where would they get a car? idk. can one of them even legally drive? probably not#hmm also had a sickfic with fitzroy going on where his magic just made things so much worse#also haf a 5 + 1 fic or Fitzroy bonding with snippers bht i only figured out 1 out of 5 and the + 1 oops#i also havr been wanting to write something with the whole old changeling Fitzroy theory going around. idk what but i rll wanna for funsies#i also had written a little bit about the tribunal going wrong i think? irk where i was going with that but it would fun to expand on that#also like always wanted to write a classic Fitzroy tapping mote and more into chaos and shit goes erongTM fic#lots of these are fitzroy centered whoops fjjfjf. hes very blorbo#also just relistening to just the curse and tribunal eps makes me want yo write even more#i wanna give the thundermen a small break after Out of Order to judt talk to eachother. i wanna write an argo POV of him worryinh abott#Fitzroy during that episode. I WANNA WTITE SM WUGHHHHHDHSBFNDBSSBZNNNFJJF#also wanna write fitzroy complaining about having to share rooms at the start of grad only to realize that when hr gets his own room its#suddenly harder to sleep anf he kinda misses the others#BC THATS ONE OF MY FAVORITR TROPES FRFR. almost all of these are just tropes i like and i wanna do with the Thundermen/do my own twist on#soooo msny ideas i can barely sit still and decide what to write kdkfkfkf
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👛🐈🥛
#i just love him so so so so much#he is the most interesting person in the world to me. i wanna know everything abt him. i wanna talk to him all day nd i just wanna w him#i like him the most!!!!!! he's what i dream of!!!!!!! i want it to be real w him#but... even if i do trust that he cares for me#the truth is that i love him way more than he does me. i want him. the most. more than everyone else#but. he just doesnt feel that way for me#which is what it is#but it still makes me sad bc i rlly wanna just be w him nd spend my life w him nd share my days w him#but he's dreaming of someone else. he miss someone else. he wants someone else.#i know i know... it is what it is. but it still hurts#i could rlly do it. i could be brave nd give him everything. but lol. if he doesnt want it then theres nothing i can do#just makes me sad bc i cant think of any other way i wanna spend my life but by his side#really.. thats all i want in this life but i cant have my dream if it involves another person who doesnt dream of me#sighhhhh.... this heartache is hard to deal with
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im literally going to cry i feel like a war widow aND I aHHHH !!!! whEN is my iwa going to come back to me! whEn WHEN WHEN
#can i go back to writing all hajime nothing else?#can i do that#bc i!!! wanna drown my sorrows in his thighs and#imagine every position he'd put me in into such vivid detail that i#dissolve and get pulled up into the atmosphere#idk im just missing him so much i wanna talk about haji#i wanna talk about haji haji haji he's so pretty#i love him so much#it makes me SICK! iM SICK#ring ring
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remember when imbalance came out and people managed to be upset griffin handled dav's perspective about cycle 92 & his relationship with lucretia with sensitivity, nuance, and realism
#imbalance#discourse wank#i'm still upset about this... people don't ever explore/care about how dav thinks/feels... all they care about is hating on lucretia#this was such a moving thing to hear articulated too... imagine saying you like dav but not caring what griffin says about/as him??#bc you'd rather see the sole canon woc vilified and insulted.. and all the complex moral and interpersonal issues in canon glossed over#i mean if my headcanons had been jossed more aggressively in imbalance maybe i'd be upset but idk. it's just more angst/meat to write abt!!#think of it as a good fun creativity-inducing thing!!! come write emotionally complex dav fics that engage w canon!!! please..anyone.... 🥺#there is so much interesting there & it's the worst feeling being alone in thinking that... and having no one to write for & talk to....#i miss when fandoms were fun & creative and like a positive thing. just liking the characters/story and chatting & making stuff about them#i still remember when imbalance happened and someone got mad at me for being happy about it bc of course... of course. it's a taz fan!#i couldn't even be happy about imbalance with anyone because my harmless ship is so bad and weird to every single taz fan! cool!!#they're fucking friends! he regrets not supporting her and letting her voice be heard! he thinks he shares some of the blame for it all!!#sorry but you can personally dislike a ship without collectively & baselessly gaslighting me that it's abusive bc of what you're projecting#i'd daresay after 100+ years of friendship davenport nd lucretia love each other deeply despite everything..imbalance propped that up a lot#but you don't even wanna write or read about that do you...#dav having emotionally grounded and complex thoughts and feelings? not in this fandom. lucy being treated kindly? banish the thought...#also davlucy is CUTE. they're nerds. they're hardworking and devoted to saving lives and to their friends. they care for each other !!
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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